Lived experience guide
Modern Divorce Checklist
A practical, gentle checklist for separation and divorce. We cannot tell you what the law says in your situation, but we can share the steps that helped people who have been where you are today feel a little less tangled.
Not legal advice
Unknotted Foundation is not a legal advice service. This checklist is based on lived experience, not professional expertise. Always check your own situation with a qualified solicitor, mediator, financial advisor or other relevant professional before making decisions.
Five phases to work through at your own pace
Divorce is rarely linear. You might move between these phases, skip some, or revisit others. Use what feels useful and leave the rest for another day.
Right now — the first few days
When everything feels tangled, start with the simplest knots.
- Make sure you and any children are physically and emotionally safe.
- Tell one trusted person — a friend, family member or colleague — so you are not carrying this alone.
- Preserve important documents: passports, marriage certificate, birth certificates, financial statements, tenancy or mortgage paperwork.
- Take photos or make copies of key documents and store them somewhere only you can access.
- Open a personal bank account if you do not already have one, and consider how household bills are currently paid.
- Change passwords on personal email, banking, and any accounts you want to keep private.
Practical next steps
Small actions that create a little more order each day.
- Start a simple timeline of important dates, conversations and decisions.
- Make a list of assets, debts, income and regular expenses — even a rough version helps.
- Gather contact details for solicitors, mediators, financial advisors and counsellors if you want to meet them later.
- Check where you stand with housing: whose name is on the tenancy or mortgage? What notice periods apply?
- Begin to separate digital lives: shared calendars, family accounts, cloud storage and subscriptions.
- Keep communication calm and in writing where possible; it protects everyone later.
Money and paperwork
Getting a clear picture protects your future self.
- Collect bank statements, payslips, tax returns, pension statements and benefit letters for at least the last 12 months.
- List all debts in both names, including credit cards, loans, overdrafts and mortgages.
- Note any property, vehicles, investments, savings, valuables and business interests.
- Understand what you are entitled to in principle — but verify everything with a qualified professional before acting.
- Do not empty joint accounts or hide assets; transparency usually leads to fairer outcomes.
- Set up a simple budget for your new household, even if the numbers are uncertain at first.
If you have children
Their wellbeing is the thread that matters most.
- Keep routines as normal as possible and reassure them that the separation is not their fault.
- Avoid asking children to choose sides or carry messages between parents.
- Start thinking about practical arrangements: where they will live, school runs, holidays and contact time.
- Keep a record of agreed arrangements and any changes, in writing and without blame.
- Look into parenting plans, mediation and child maintenance guidance from official sources.
- Remember that shielding children from conflict is one of the most protective things you can do.
Looking after you
Healing is not a straight line, but it is possible.
- Find one person or community you can be honest with about how you really feel.
- Protect your sleep, movement and basic nutrition — stress is physical too.
- Consider counselling, therapy or a divorce coach when you are ready.
- Give yourself permission to feel grief, anger, relief, fear and hope — sometimes all in one day.
- Set boundaries on how much time you spend researching legal horror stories online.
- Celebrate small wins: a form filled in, a difficult email sent, a calm conversation completed.
Common questions
Is this a legal checklist?
No. This is a lived-experience guide written by people who have been through separation and divorce. It is designed to help you feel less overwhelmed and more organised, but it is not a substitute for advice from a qualified solicitor, mediator or financial advisor.
What should I do first when separating?
Start with safety, stability and support. Make sure you and any children are safe, preserve important documents, open a personal bank account if you do not already have one, and tell one trusted person what is happening. When you are ready, you can begin researching your legal and financial options.
How do I prepare financially for divorce?
Gather a clear picture of your finances: bank accounts, debts, pensions, property, income and outgoings. Make copies of key documents, protect any joint accounts, and consider speaking with a financial advisor who understands divorce. Do not make major financial decisions in a rush.
Where can I find emotional support?
Talk to someone you trust, consider counselling, and remember that communities like Unknotted exist so you do not have to go through this alone. Hearing from people who have been where you are can be a powerful source of comfort and practical perspective.
You don’t have to untangle this alone.
Unknotted Foundation is a calm community of people who understand. Share your story, read someone else’s, or simply sit with us for a while.